I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
