So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you inspire me to be a worse person
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
