She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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