I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
