I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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