i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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