WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
