walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
