You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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