Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
