I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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