He uses pillows to masturbate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
