i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
