Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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