and you said cock pushups were impossible
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
