I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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