My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
