Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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