Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
