On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
