How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
