If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
