I wish my penis had an off switch
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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