I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
