I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
