Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
