I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That accounts for only three of the penises
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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