just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
