It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
