I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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