Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
