The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
