There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
