Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
