dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
