Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So much rum. So many feels.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
