Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
