i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
