Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
