just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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