she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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