She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
