was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
