Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
