There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
