What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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