so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
