walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
