I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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