there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
