I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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