a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
