The maid of honor just puked.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
